There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
