Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
