Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We are all done wearing pants today
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
