shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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