so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize