I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
