Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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