That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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