i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
