remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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