your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
