I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
