it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just had sex on a roof
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
