just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
