I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
