you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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