Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
