Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
