I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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