my sisters under your porch take her home
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
