I accidentally burped into my bong.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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