So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You made out with two different species that night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
