WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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