I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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