I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
