last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
