At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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