I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
