Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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