But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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