she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
