We're facebook friends in real life
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize