I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
