the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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