Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
