no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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