Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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