The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
