it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
