Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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