You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
it's great music for shaving your balls
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
