Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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