if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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