they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
