So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
