Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
