Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
