so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
