my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
