More tranny stories later!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize