The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
