Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
