Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
