Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
