A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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