ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
