I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
one might say we're banned from that church
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize