Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
