On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
