Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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