help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
