he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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