Already got asked if we're dating
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
