dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize