i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
