I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
