i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
