i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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