I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
