Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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