I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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