just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
