I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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