Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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