Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
