On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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