I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Everyone says I win the strip club
Come share oat with me in your robe
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
