when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
