He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
