I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize