Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
