This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
