I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize