I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
