you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
