i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
