I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
