my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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