If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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