make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We are two peas in an std pod
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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