dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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