ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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