I wannas sexs uuuuu
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
