He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
