people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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