I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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