i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
