Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
