Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
