Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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