if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
