so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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