Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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