like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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